Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
