by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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