ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize