just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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