sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
