he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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