How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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