You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize