I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
