Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
