I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
