I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
