I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You're breaking my sexual little heart
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
