just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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