I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
