It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
