how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
