I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
