scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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