Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
