are you still at the devil's house?
Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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