Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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