I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
