he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
