At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
