Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
