so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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