I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize