I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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