She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
