You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
