so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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