proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
