If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i came on her dog
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
