I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
