Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
