took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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