the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
