OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
