Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
