3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I CAN MOONWALK!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
