I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
