I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize