Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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