I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
