hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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