Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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