i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
