My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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