You're so nebulous sometimes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
