I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
