Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
