i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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