You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
