Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
