marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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