No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
