everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
