its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
