Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
