im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
