im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
