sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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