Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
