I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
