i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
