you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
