he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
